Keep Calm and Stop Catastrophising: How 10 Powerful Women Deal With Doubt
If you’re a woman trying to make it to the top of your field, chances are you’re going to find yourself in a male-dominated environment. It’s competitive and challenging and there may be a lot of people who you will have to prove wrong to earn your place. In 2011 McKinsey found that only 14 percent of women were on executive committees, and only 3 per cent were CEOs.
Secondly, there is increased pressure for women to have it all: professional success, private success in the form of a partner and an instagrammable standard of living. And don’t forget to look good while you’re at it. 70% of women believe they can achieve this, according to a 2013 Accenture study. At the same time women are expected to stay humble and attribute our success to good fortune (tweeting that we are #soblessed instead of asserting that we deserve it because we worked hard for it).
On top of this, women are often their own worst enemies. Women are more self-critical than men, heaping on the pressure to work harder and be more disciplined at work, at home, and in the gym. The inner critic tells women that what they do is never good enough. Negative, self-doubting thought patterns reinforce this. You cannot remove external pressures but you can reduce internal criticism, and getting the monkey off your own back is a good place to start.
We interviewed 10 boundary-pushing women, all who encountered self-doubt and negativity along the way, to find out how the conquered their fears, step-by-step and day-by-day:
TIP #1: Acknowledge your achievements, and prepare for the worst.
Maritza van den Heuvel is a pioneer in the software systems industry, working with Pearson South Africa to innovate in education for the 21st century. In her Legacy Project interview she notes that focusing on what you have already accomplished is a technique for dealing with self-doubt.
“At times, self-doubt has been a major stumbling block for me.. I didn’t think I was cut out to flourish in the commercial world, initially. I now confidently deal with any self-doubt by reflecting on my achievements to date, and asking myself “what is the worst thing that could happen and how would I deal with it?” By doing that, fear of the unknown loses its power over me, because I know already what the next step is.”
TIP # 2: Keep it moving: when you’re stuck in a negative cycle, move your body first and the mental shift will follow.
Bora Yoon is a groundbreaking digital musician and artist who aims to break down stereotypes of gender and race through her work. She shared many of her insights and learnings with The Legacy Project and her full interview is fascinating.
“I deal with self-doubt, fear, and negativity through prayer, meditation, and movement — moving meditation often times on my bicycle. I tell myself to always “K.I.M” ‘Keep It Moving” — that even if one walks in a circle — it is in the movement, one finds answers. It is the traversing, and act of participating in life, that brings the agents of change necessary to get out of a negative mindset, shift your perspective, allow you to build the momentum needed to graduate from a cycle, quandry, or tailspin.”.
TIP 3#: Just do it. Stop overalysing and worrying about what could go wrong.
Dee Poon is a leading creative in the men’s fashion industry, and is the chief brand officer at PYE, a menswear company in China. She has overcome obstacles by learning to get on with it, even when it seems impossible.
“I think that the best way to conquer fear is to constantly challenge yourself and just do it. When you are an entrepreneur, you have no choice other than to do this! In the process, you start to realize that even if you don’t get it right, you’re still standing. Often in life, there is no perfect solution. ”
TIP #4: Bring your focus back to the why of what you are doing: your vision for an exceptional life.
Wendy Luhabe has conquered the corporate world and paved the way for other South African women to follow through her investment companies aimed at empowering and financing women. Her accomplishments are an inspiration for women in business: a true legacy. When she experiences doubt and negativity, she focuses on the why of what she is doing.
“I remind myself that 95% of things we fear never actually materialise… There’s also so many good success stories out there that remind me to stay focused on what my heart desires and not to subscribe to societies’ fears which will have me plugging back into the matrix hamster wheel, where I’d live a safe comfortable life but probably not be fulfilled. I’m more afraid of living the predictable life than failing at living my own version. Those things help me to sweep out self doubt.”
TIP #5: Be passionate, stay optimistic, and lead: others are looking up to you.
Deborah Jackson is passionate about digital and mobile technology, and about increasing access to capital for woman entrepreneurs in this sphere. She does this through her company Plum Alley. She describes working in the male-dominated environment of Wall Street and how this pushed her to innovate, lead, and overcome her own doubts to become a pioneer for women.
“To pursue my mission, I had to move forward and be an example of a female founder. I wanted to innovate and to contribute by being a role model and inspiration. And most of all, I was optimistic about what women could achieve in their own companies, away from traditional corporate America. My passion and mission became clear– to see more women create new companies and products and to build their own wealth because with wealth, women have a greater ability to influence the world and create lasting change for the better.”
TIP #6: Be kind to yourself: acknowledge your fear and vulnerability. Then move on.
Tara Hunt is an author and an expert in building online communities. She understands the ways people work together and share knowledge. Tara shares that empathy is her greatest strength. She extends this empathy and kindness to herself too in order to deal with doubt.
“Self-doubt, fear and negativity are all things I battle with constantly. Daily. Hourly. I actually call it my Inner Gollum. It’s that awful, hateful little voice inside of me that tells me I’m a fraud, I’m not good enough, and that everyone is going to find out sooner or later. I used to try to ignore it, but after a while, I realized that, much like J.R.R. Tolkien’s Gollum, it’s just the vulnerable part of me. So now when I get those voices, I listen and soothe them. Then I move on.”
TIP #7: When you’re stuck, do what you’re good at.
Marianne Fassler is an award-winning fashion designer with many years of experience in the South African fashion industry and an inspiring story. For Marianne, self-doubt is an inherent part of being a creative person. She finds that pushing forward with routine, straightforward projects enables breakthroughs in creativity when she is stuck with a project.
“When I have a bit of a creative block leading to self-doubt, I always keep working on the safe and trusted styles until I get another creative breakthrough. Picasso said that he believed in inspiration, but when it comes, it must find him working.”
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TIP #8: Prepare yourself.
Linda Olagunju is a leading thinker in the energy sector. She founded the Renewable Energy Forum in South Africa and is a Managing Director of DLO Energy Resources. She is passionate about Africa and proving to African girls that they can pursue their dreams. She reduces anxiety and self-doubt simply by making sure she is as prepared as possible. This means arming yourself with information and knowing your stuff.
“I certainly have fear and doubt especially when trying something new. The fear often comes from a lack of preparedness. So the best way to overcome fear is to prepare adequately and having a personal support system helps.”
TIP # 9: Cultivate Courage. Get back on the horse.
Hunter Lovins is a conservationist, teacher, author and expert in sustainable business management. She is the President of Natural Capitalism Solutions. She aims to influence businesses, governments, and communities to transition to a regenerative economy that is also profitable. Hunter shares that courage is something that you practice by overcoming fear each day.
“Courage is to some extent a learned skill. Eleanor Roosevelt advised us to do one thing each day that scares you. She also said, “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” Having been blessed with a young life spent outdoors, I’ve encountered many things that scared me, only to learn that courage, try, and do can overcome most any obstacle. I’ve ridden horses others said could not be ridden. And I’ve bucked off supposedly gentle kids horses. The cowboy wisdom of get back up and go again is useful throughout life.”
TIP #10: It’s human to fail. Don’t let failures define you.
Jessica Lawrence’s story is of a woman who has successfully built a community of tech startups through her non-profit organisation, NY Tech Meetup, which connects and supports budding tech companies. Her aim is to create a tech industry that drives positive change. Jessica’s tip is that everyone makes mistakes, and that the things you mess up do not define who you are. here’s how she manages her no-so-good moments:
“I think the trick is to not let those non-peak times turn into catastrophic moments of self-judgement. One day of sitting at your desk and getting absolutely nothing done does not mean that you’re a lazy, unproductive person. Giving one less than stellar talk doesn’t mean that you’re a bad speaker. Failing to close a few deals doesn’t mean that you’re a horrible salesperson. Part of performing at your peak if forgiving yourself when you’re not, and moving on.”
Conquer Doubt
These powerful women have all encountered doubt and negativity along their journey to success. Their stories show that although you’re probably your own harshest critic, there’s hope: what your inner voice tells you is up to you, after all. Use their advice to break out of the cycle when you catch yourself being negative, harsh, and fearful, and free yourself from your inner critic.